Today is November 30.
24 past 2 in the afternoon.
From my boxes come the bittersweet tones of a Lacrimosa song. I bought the CD a while ago just for that song. "Ich Verlasse heut dein Hertz."
And I reminisce about what happened exactly one year ago. To the minute as I'm writing this. My own personal war started, and it has been tough so far. Faith in many things was lost, and not renewed for most. Time lost every meaning, when it seemed that four years meant nothing. Loyalty got crushed, trust broken. Left strolling on memory lane for days, weeks, months, a year. It's the street right next to Brokenheart Boulevard. Right after Heartbreak Hotel. Creepy neighbourhood.

The day after that, things got weirder and insanity slipped through. All shields were gone, guardian angels left. The devil laughed and eventually marked me as a target for his minions. Vague memories of hunting them came back, but meant nothing once the truth got revealed. What does being a hunter mean, when you and others around you are the hunted now? More insanity followed those days, but was driven back. Not completely. Hell had changed too much during the abscence of the icy guardians which she once drew. They were so fierce untill the dragon got captured. Imprisoned in a statue in England. Freed by the mother of many. But all help came too late. Halloween last year went wrong. The gates did open as they always do, but other things seeped through. Sure, they had the circles they said. If I had been in them, things would have changed. Or maybe if she never knew about them.

Yea, that's how insane I've been. Weird dreams that become a reality. Funny thing, the mind. What loss can do to a man is amazing. Things would have been different if only one man could just say "sorry" instead of feeling attacked when I ask one simple question. It just showed he had no code.
I do.
And I live strictly by it.
Rule # 2: You don't go for someone else's love. Under any circumstances.
Even if there would be such a thing as "meant to be". If you choose to believe things are meant to be, you can be the puppet of Fate.
If you believe that things happen to us so we can learn from them, why don't things like school hurt like a salted knife in your back?
Sure, life's tough. But there's always other ways.
I got blamed because I tried the easy way out, while you did it yourself, in the cause of everything. We both should know the easy way is wrong, which justifies it for both of us to say it to the other.

I was told I need to let go.
Rule # 1: A true promise made is a promise kept. No one ever seemed to understand that rule which I live by. But I DO keep the true promises I make. Hence I rarely make promises.

And to end this: I do still believe the devil played his tricks in all this. Quit thinking in persons if that's what you're doing. If only you remembered the distant past like I do, you'd know whom I mean. I remember writing a story about it, which you just flung to the backseat like it was an old rag. Read it once and discarded it. Old paper to be.
It's a lost battle for me, and the devil runs around with a pretty corpse of what once was beautiful. Murdered and slaughtered, to become a puppet of today's world.


Anyway, this is adressed to just one person who will probably hate my guts even more now. But why should I care? What I've lost is no more. They won. Congrats. I'll do my attempts in changing this world, and if it doesn't work, too bad. Someone else will replace me. I was easily replaced before. I'll still do my strikes in this war against whatever is trying to take it over.
For those who think the world is a better place than it was a few hundred years ago, because people don't die from diseases that much anymore, we take care of the poor and hungry, and blah blah, I say this : Wake up from your naivity. Is it truly better? A few hundred years ago students didn't get guns and shot their bullies in school. Children didn't start stealing and molesting people at age 7 (yes, SEVEN. It's happened). People weren't overly stressed because of something trivial as money, the dead god that seems to rule Planet Earth today. People were loyal and trustworthy. They kept promises. We still wage war, that hasn't changed, but doesn't need further comment.

Sometimes, I wish I was naive too.

No, the world isn't a nice place to be right now. And I've truly realized that a year ago. But I rather didn't know, and remained happy with what I had. it's not like you're doing something to change it.


I'm also leaving DA. But I'll contact the right people once the booklet is finished. I have not stopped that.

Goodbye everyone, and thanks for all the support and help.